Two Old Friends Playing Golf

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them:

“Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn’t turn up.”

“Sure.” They said. “You’re welcome.”

So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.

Partway around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer.

“What do you do for a living?”

He replied, “I’m a hitman.”

“You’re joking!” was the response.

“No, I’m not,” reaching into his golf bag.

Pulling out a beautiful sniper’s rifle with a large telescopic sight.

“Here are my tools.”

“That’s a beautiful telescopic sight.” Said the other friend.

“Can I take a look? Think I might be able to see my house from here.”

So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

“Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she’s naked! What’s that? Wait a minute, that’s my neighbour in there with her. He’s naked as well! The b!tch!”

He turned to the hitman.

“How much do you charge for a hit?”

“I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.”

“Can you do two for me now?”

“Sure, what do you want?”

“First, shoot my wife, she’s always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbour, he’s a Friend of mine, so just shoot his d!ck off to teach him a lesson.”

The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

“Are you going to do it or not?” Said the friend impatiently.

“Just wait a moment. Be patient.” Said the hit man calmly.

“I think I can save you a thousand dollars here!”