A Very Wise Drunk Man

A guy is out on the lash with the lads and gets wildly drunk. By the time he staggers home he is covered in vomit and, sure enough, his wife is waiting up for him. 

The following weekend he’s out again with his mates, but avoiding the booze. When one of his friends asks why, he explains that he is still reeling from the almighty bollocking his wife gave him last time he got home drunk.

“No problem,” says his mate. “When it happens again, make sure you have $20 in your shirt pocket so you can tell your wife that someone else puked on you and put the money in there for the dry cleaning!” Emboldened by this brilliant plan he proceeds to get completely pissed.

Much later that evening, he falls through the front door, again covered in vomit. Predictably, his wife completely freaks.

“I can explain!” he protests. “A guy threw up over me and gave me $20 for dry cleaning! Check my pocket!”

His wife looks in his shirt pocket and says, “There’s $40 here.”

“Yeah,” her husband replies. “He shat in my pants as well.”